Some research says that one cause of 60% of all divorces can be traced back to conflicts over money. If that is so, how can couples who have different opinions about how to money work things out? Here are some dos and don'ts about how to come into agreement about finances. Don't - Assume that your way is the best and only right way.
- Accuse your partner of being sinful, wrong or stupid.
- Try to argue or otherwise force your partner into seeing and doing things your way.
- Handle it your way in secret, behind the back of your partner.
Do - Identify your own money style.
- Identify the money style of your partner.
- Learn and use some flexibility. The words sure to cause a battle are "I've always done it this way before."
- Explore your goals for life together.
- Explore your financial goals together.
- Remember you are not designed to be competitors but team mates.
- Try switching roles: Let the bill payer do the shopping and the shopper do the bill paying.
- Discover what you might be able to learn from the style of our partner.
- Consult a financial planner, a relationship coach, or both if you continue to stay stuck.
The goal is to have the type of relationship in which the partner's balance the style of each other. Accepting your differences, and perhaps even learning to enjoy them just a little bit, is the way out of these kind of struggles and the path to a successful long term relationship.
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