This article is more along the lines of a rant, and should be skipped by the faint-hearted reader. Having given the proper disclaimer, let's get right to the point of making fun of some really bad promotional copy.

A lot of people don't seem to appreciate the difference between a classified ad and a "solo ad" delivered via email. Here's a nice piece of work I found in my inbox yesterday:

Cialis Soft Tabs: perfect feeling of being men again.

Starts working within just 15 minutes.

This is not miracle. This is just Soft Tabs

Never mind the product I'm being spammed about, let's just focus on the copy structure. It's about what I would expect from a junior high student who is advertising this month's fund raiser. A great way to tell your prospects that you are a complete amateur is to begin your ad body with the name of your product and a colon. Should your reader somehow maintain faith and continue past this point, a few choppy phrases and some lousy grammar should effectively eliminate the sale for you. Yep, the above ad is a wonderful example of how to avoid cultivating interest in your target.

Here's another shining example of how to embarrass yourself and seriously damage any shot at future credibility.

hello evey one I have found a program that might intrest you.

Are you making any money online yet!

Here is a global system that dose 95% of your work for you .

There is no other system like it and you can view it for free Today. Networkers are going crazy over this system!

Easy there slick. Might want to take just a couple of seconds to make sure you have your spelling and sentence structure in order. Ever hear of a "paragraph"?

The program being advertised above must be really special, because the affiliate got so excited he/she forgot to communicate like a full grown adult. I guess all the profit this killer sales copy is generating has them giddy.

I'm not making a judgement about anyone's intelligence here. I can tell you with confidence that I'm not the brightest bulb in any batch. :o) I just want to express the importance of taking your time and actually composing a message.

Keep in mind the ads I'm showing you were in my mailbox. Had they turned up while I was browsing a links page or text ad board, I would have found their format (minus the poor grammar) acceptable.

People don't want to see cookie cutter ads in their inbox. The act of placing such adverts stands tall and shouts "I am an immense cheese ball without tact or shame".

Let's look at yet another winner. The following is a very typical illustration of how to blow the "best thing since sliced bread" angle.

$5 Infinity PAYLINE! Be FIRST! Just Launchd

People are singing up every minute!!

Not even sure what this person was promoting. I mean really, if this is the best message they could devise for grabbing my attention and rousing my curiosity, I'll just move on. I see dozens of these ads on a daily basis, and frankly, they all tend to run together. A little originality is in order for those who plan to sweep their readers away in a current of hype and urgency.

Again, the above ad may have worked well on a classified site, had the marketer at least checked their spelling. But it does nothing more than agitate the reader who finds it among their daily emails.

If someone expects me to spend money, request more information, or even visit their website, they are well advised to send me a valid piece of communication. A real message, complete with interesting dialogue and an identifiable point, is needed when communicating via email.

Consider this analogy. Let's say you are browsing the local newspaper, and you see the following advert:

Closeout Deals!

Massive liquidation event this Friday!

Merchandise discounted up to 50%

All stock must be sold!

While this example is certainly not dramatic or revolutionary, it may cause you to stop for a second to see which local retailer is having the sale. It's pretty much the kind of ad your are expecting to see when you read the paper.

On the other hand, imagine finding the same ad among your daily postage. Would you be prone to look into the "Massive liquidation event", or would you discard the flyer while muttering something about junk mail?

Well, I'm pretty much out of breath for now. Thanks a lot for letting me get that off my chest. Sometimes a good tantrum clears the mind. ;-)