One of the biggest concerns I hear from my clients, almost on a daily basis, is How can I market myself without being pushy? or How can I be assertive without being aggressive?

A clients story:

One of my clients, Shelley, came to the session bewildered. I didnt know approaching people and giving out my cards was going to be so difficult. Im afraid Im imposing on people and they wont like me.

As we explored further she began to remember that whenever her mother was assertive, she was judged by her father and terrible arguments would ensue. To protect herself , she decided she would be safe by not asking for what she wanted. That worked beautifully in her previous job, she explained, because she was a waitress and all she had to do was act charming and serve people.

I like serving people and I like putting them at ease. I just feel anxious about approaching people and trying to sell them on my service.

Reframing marketing yourself:

Shelley was making the mistake that a lot of entrepreuners make which is to feel like they are sales people trying to manipulate a client into buying something. When I point out to my clients that it isnt their job to sell, they start to wonder what to do. Your job, I explain, is to approach a prospective client with the attitude of giving, not taking.

Ask your self how you approach a prospective client? Do you get anxious, thinking I have to make the sale or do you approach with the attitude of Wow, this person can really use my service, and I want to give them the gift of offering to help them. Whether youre a real estate agent helping others to buy and sell homes or whether youre a coach helping your clients to live their dreams, in either case, you are giving of yourself.

Shelleys story had a happy ending:

Once Shelley understood that her job is too give, not take, she started to give herself permission to be assertive. She released the old belief that it wasnt safe to be assertive and realized her safety now depends on her success and her success depends on being able to toot her own horn. She concluded the session that theres nothing to be nervous about . All you need to do is realize that what you have to offer is valuable and being willing to communicate that in a consistent way.

Questions to ask yourself:

Am I convinced that what I offer is valuable?
Am I willing to communicate that on a consistent level?
What is my Unique selling point?
How can I be assertive without being aggressive? ( It depends on whether you see yourself giving or taking)